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| Grateful for life lessons, for my furries, my home, my friends, my health...and for my life. |
π¨For our π¨ Art Date π¨, this Thursday's optional prompt is Gratitude. Little did I know in November of 2024, when I came up with the 2025 list of prompts, that this would be my last one! I'm so grateful for so many things that I can't list them.
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Dear Friends,
This is our last TADD. I started this art date in May of 2019 when our dear friend Michael was unable to continue "Scribble Picnic". In 2022, "Paint Party Friday" disbanded as well, leaving a lot of artists a little lost for an artistic get-together! It's been a lot of fun, I'm so grateful for meeting some very dear and creative people and many have become friends.
I hope that someone decides to continue some form of TADD because there are so many lovely artists and foodies out there who deserve the spotlight! Please let others know in the comments if you have a weekly art or food blog hop party going on! I know that Cathy from Curious As A Cathy was hosting her version of TADD for some time. And Nicole also hosts Friday Face Off, so please check out their links!
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| I'm teaching myself how to play guitar! and I've been working on my piano and singing lessons too! |
I'm going silent friends. No more blogging and no more social media. If you know me on Instagram or WhatsApp, please understand I rarely check those apps now. It's not because I don't want to hear from you - I just feel there is so much chaos in my head these days that I just need to be in solitude.
If I have the energy, I may publish a YouTube video now and then because it would be a shame if I lost my monetization status on my YouTube channel after putting so much work into building that following. But honestly, I feel spent, I just kind of want to be alone.
As Bilbo Baggins said in The Fellowship Of The Ring:
“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”
I need to be out of the public eye so that I can make sense of the events leading up to and after Alex's suicide last May.
In hindsight, I can clearly see how I've struggled through the stages of grief in the last 7 months - trying to come to terms with his decision to end his life. I believe that I was in denial a lot of the time. I tried to convince myself that I was okay, that I felt better being alone, that life would fall into place as it should and maybe I've moved on for the better.
I wrote a very heartfelt obituary post here about him last May. Everything I wrote in that post, I felt genuinely, and that will never change because he had a wonderful side to him - and that's what I wanted the world to see. I wanted his estranged family to know that he had a very good side to him and that he was loved. But things have become so jumbled in my head and in my heart since then...it's hard to deal with.
As Buddha is quoted to have said:
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
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| This is my screen saver. My friends often call me "Wonder Woman"! |
After he died, I had to somehow find his family. I knew nothing of them except that his sister likely lived in New Jersey. I never met his mother but after weeks of research I found her living in Florida. Telling her about her son, who hadn't spoke to her in over 15 years, was so difficult. She spoke about his behavior, his suicide threats and attempts and his mental health challenges. A lot of what she revealed to me was a surprise, but then was it? Not really, maybe I didn't know the facts, but when I heard them, I nodded my head as though this was common knowledge. But we also discussed how sweet he could be, how affectionate and creative he was - I finally felt validated, someone else knew him the way I did - with all of the ups and downs. Though I'm no longer in touch with his family (they are strangers to me), having that discourse was truly very healing because as mentioned, it brought me validation and also a little more understanding.
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| 8-inches of hair GONE...so far! |
Though I have days where I fall into depression, some days I have extreme motivation to take a step forward. My dream to be a counsellor and life coach is still a big goal of mine. I'm halfway through my psychology degree, and I'm finding that this program is actually quite healing. Research is "Me-search" as they say. I've enrolled in a grief counselling diploma program and signed up for multiple lectures on suicide, domestic violence and mental health issues. Everything that I'm learning, I can apply to myself for a better understanding of all that I've been through in my life, to try to understand human behavior and to think about how to help others through their life struggles. I want to learn and share. But in order to be able to counsel others, I have to get my "stuff" in order first. I see a big transformation happening in my near future and I'm looking forward to it.
Before I hibernate, I just want to send a heartfelt thank you to all of you who have supported me and loved me over the years. I started my blog back in 2017 because I was isolated, and very lonely in my relationship. I needed some kind of outlet and I longed for positive and warm interactions with people. I got that, indeed. You probably didn't know it at the time, but each week when you commented and participated in my art date, I felt normal, like...I was a person who had value and worth and that I was cared for. Meeting and interacting with the Blogger community over the years showed me that I could be myself and that I was not a bad person or a phony, as I was told so many times; so again, thank you. This blog kept me going in very dark times. Now the dark times are over, but the memories linger, the trauma remains, and it's time for me to work on my self-esteem, health and goals, it's time to heal myself - well, continue the healing journey.
I love and appreciate all of you. Be kind to yourselves. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Happy Holidays!
Love as always,
Rain ☔π
(((((Rain))))) We will miss you terribly, but completely understand. I wish you well my friend.
ReplyDeleteStay strong Rain. Keep in touch on social media when you feel it's the right time. Hoping you and the dogs have a peaceful Christmas. Wishing you health and happiness for 2026
ReplyDeleteRain, you are a truly remarkable person. Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself, your experience, and your journey with us. But it takes a lot of energy to share, and you and your healing are what's important now, the priority. I've been learning about self-care too, although in a totally different context. Focusing on that is a very good decision for now.
ReplyDeleteI think you will make a fantastic life coach / grief counselor. And consider this. Consider someday, when your healing journey is reaching resolution, consider writing a book. Your story has the potential to touch a lot of people in needful ways.
Ditto Belinda, local alien, Leigh...
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Rain. We are here if you ever need us.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rain, for all the wonderful posts, recipes, art, and videos you have shared with us over the years! And for hosting Thursday Art Date for so many years -- it was the first art blog hop I ever participated in! You have a true gift for creating beauty and spreading love. I understand the need for solitude and introspection on the healing path. Wishing you peace, insight, and resolution of your grief and sorrows. Hugs to you always, my friend.
ReplyDeleteHello Rain, you will be missed. I am sorry times have been so tough for you lately.
ReplyDeleteGod bless the Vet who helped with your dog free of charge, that is awesome.
Time for your self care and healing, whatever it takes. If you decide to come back some day, I will be here. Take good care of yourself. Happy Holidays, I wish you all the best in 2026. You deserve it.
I will miss you Rain, so sorry about the dog issue and may your partner rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteHello Rain, I haven't been a regular visitor this past year, but even so I will miss you. I do understand your need for solitude - take all the time you need and take care of yourself. Grieving is such a complex process and full of ups and downs. It's a very wise decision to take care of the "chaos in your head". I wish much much strength for this.
ReplyDeleteAs someone said before, I am confident that you would be a fantastic grief counselor and life coach.
All my best wishes for you, Rain. I will be thinking of you and sending hugs up North to you.
Carola
My very good wishes for your dear Rain ... take care.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
Best Wishes for a happy day
ReplyDeleteMuch love
Hi Rain. I'm sorry that I haven't had email in all this time and didn't know you were back, until I did know and that was cool to see. I am sorry to see you go but I do understand. Very sorry to read that Alex took his life. Sending you alllll the love and alllll the huggs. PS: Very cool on the guitar. I used to play a lot back in the day. Very fun.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is heavy ... selfishly. Life will have an empty spot where you belong. Do what you need to do ... want to do, but let us hear from you so we know you are doing well. Thank you for the years of friendship and sharing. You are already amazing ... and taking time for yourself is the right thing to do. Relax, grow, build, sooth ... treat yourself well and find peace.
ReplyDeleteAndrea
Rain, we completely understand and respect your desire to step back and focus on yourself. Patrick and myself feel fortunate to have met you and hope we will get the chance in the future. Our best wishes to you for a peaceful πand all the best for 2026.
ReplyDeleteI am very touched by your message and I hope you will soon be back on your feet. I will miss you, as I enjoyed reading your various articles. I hope you will successfully complete your projects and receive as much love as you are capable of giving. Take care of yourself, have a peaceful winter break, and rebuild yourself with all these wonderful new projects. Thank you for your generosity and for welcoming us for so long.
ReplyDelete...,may you be strong, warm and well as you enter the new year .
ReplyDeleteWith all the best wishes, dearest Rain. I'm sure this decision wasn't easy for you, and it breaks my heart; I will miss you. But somehow I understand you too.
ReplyDeleteWarm regards from Heidrun
Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteWow, you have been through so much. I haven't been on blogs or even my laptop much but I really hope you have much success in life as you take time for solitude and finding peace, etc. I can't know as a partner what it must have felt like but I do know what suicide can do to a family. I have two brothers who left that way. Suicide in a family takes you to dark places wondering why. All the best to you!!! much love .
ReplyDeleteDear Rain, I'm sending you a big hug! I completely understand that you need peace and quiet right now and need to be alone to find yourself again. I know you'll find your way. But I also wish you'd let me know how you're doing from time to time, so I know you're okay ❤️π§‘π May the New Year be healing for you and bring you back lots of strength and joy!
ReplyDeleteWarmly, πππ✨ Traude
You're doing the right thing taking care of yourself. I step back from blogging for a while because I reached the point where I didn't really have anything to say. The trauma you've been through though is a very different thing. I lost my only sibling due to suicide at devastated the rest of my life for a long time. I don't know if you ever really get over it but it took a long time for me. Take care of yourself and know that you will be missed. Come back whenever you're ready if you choose to and give those for babies a hug!
ReplyDeleteDear Rain, you have been through so many Challenges. I can't even imagine. You are strong and amazing. I truly wish your 2026 is full of love, peace and healing. Sending you positivity and love. Sending you hugs my wonderful friend. I am always here if you need anything. Much love and strength! Have a blessed 2026.
ReplyDeleteHello my dear friend. I understand completely. I do hope someone picks it up or something like it. You have been a wonderful host. However, you must take care of yourself and do what is going to keep you healthy and happy. BTW you look beautiful. The very best for 2026.
ReplyDeleteMy first comment got gobbled up by the cyber spiders. Let me try this again. I'm sorry to read the news that this is your final post. Your kind, nurturing personality is full of warm encouragement. I'm very grateful that I met you and I will always consider you a forever friend. I totally get the need to walk away from blogging. That in itself is draining but life throw you a difficult curve ball last year, so I know you need to take care of yourself first. That's the most important thing. Perhaps one day, you'll find your desire to return to blogging. I hope you don't ever lose your love for the passions in your life - art, cooking, homesteading, furbabies, .... I wish the best for you learning to play guitar and with your singing lessons. Neither of which I can do. In fact, I'm pretty sure if your dogs heard me, they'd howl.
ReplyDeleteI'm dealing with some behind the scene technical problems with my blog and am working on this, then I need to move my blog to a new host site soon. As soon as I get these things resolved then I hope to create an art prompt list and host TAD for anyone needing a home to showcase their art. I certainly am no match for your talent but at least I can build a community for those who want to share.
I hope this new year brings you nothing but goodness and light. I pray that you'll find peace again and that you'll keep that positive energy flowing for your happiness first and then others can't help but benefit from it. If ever you need me, then you know where to find me dear friend. You'll be in my prayers and thoughts always! xo
Hi, dear Rain! My heart goes out to you! You've been a bright light in the blogging world, and you will be greatly missed. Do all the things you are longing to do as you hibernate. It sounds wonderful! What you have been through is unimaginable. May you find peace as you continue to progress through your grief. You will be an awesome counselor and life coach. I'm full of gratitude for having you as a friend. I'm here if you need me at any time, and you will always be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care of you! ❤️
ReplyDeleteRain, you know that Patrick and myself wish you all the best in 2026 and always. While your blog posts will be missed, we will stay in contact. You have had some rough times, but these are in the past, and looking ahead with positive energy is in your future now. Take care of yourself and the pets.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to just now be reading this, Rain. I was sidelined a bit in January, and I am still catching up with my favorite bloggers. You have a beautiful and clear way with words - and while you owe none of us an explanation, your sharing of yourself is greatly appreciated. Taking care of yourself is wise, even if I will miss you, and hearing your calm voice in your videos. Praying for you, dear one!
ReplyDelete